i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
