dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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