College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
