if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
bring money and cleavage
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
