The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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