Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
