Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
