Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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