Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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