hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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