This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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