dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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