the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
