We got so high we made milksteak
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize