I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
