history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
