At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
