I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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