Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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