I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
