Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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