so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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