I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I could fuck to npr.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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