found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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