I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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