Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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