We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
