I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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