Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
