You smell like a Billy Joel song
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
