we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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