so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
