38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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