well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
