No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
