I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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