Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
