I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you didnt know i had herpes?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
