so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i love accidental penises.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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