He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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