i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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