As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
