Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
