he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
