I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you still have your period?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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