i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
