just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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