He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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