grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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