He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
