Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
