i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
