matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
