honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize