he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
