i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize