He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
