Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize