omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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