i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize