He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your cock deserves a montage
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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