Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
