talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
