I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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