The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
