That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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