Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
