I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
