drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
