You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
