I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
